


if it’s wrong to love you then my heart just won’t let me be right

by orphan_account



Series: the life and times of fjord samuel morgan [2]
Category: American Revolution RPF, Turn (TV 2014)
Genre: Caleb Brewster Is Bad With Emotions, Gay Caleb Brewster, Historical Inaccuracy, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Therapist Benjamin Tallmadge, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:41:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22061992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Caleb Brewster isn't sure what to make of the pretty lieutenant that keeps staring at him.
Relationships: Caleb Brewster/Original Male Character(s), Past Caleb Brewster/Benjamin Tallmadge
Series: the life and times of fjord samuel morgan [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1584889
Kudos: 3





	if it’s wrong to love you then my heart just won’t let me be right

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is the sequel to "oh, ophelia, heaven help a fool who falls in love"! As you can tell, I love using song lyrics as titles. This, like the first one, is a one-shot. Eventually I'll get around to writing a story of several chapters for these two.

Caleb dug his heels into the sides of the horse, heading off to the other side of camp where he'd take refuge for the day. He hummed to himself as he tied up his horse, taking a wave towards a soldier that greeted him. He entered the tent, taking a seat on his cot with a small sigh. He pulled his hat off and plopped it down next to him, laying down on the uncomfortable surface.

That god damned lieutenant.

Benjamin told Caleb that his name was Morgan. Fjord Morgan, to be exact. He was a pretty man, with a light dusting of freckles across his face, determined hazel eyes, and a head of dark brown hair.

_"I wanna know what's up with that lieutenant," Caleb said, putting his hands down on Benjamin's desk once he had finished delivering his letter. Ben looked up at him, tilting his head in confusion._

_"Caleb, there are lots of lieutenants in camp. Which one are you referring to?" Caleb grabbed a nearby stool and pulled it up close, sitting in front of Ben's desk._

_"The one sittin' a stone's throw away from this tent, by the fire. With the dark brown hair 'n the pretty eyes."_

_(Caleb wasn't scared of admitting the object of his affections to Ben, whoever it may have been. Ben understood. Ben always understood.)_

_Ben took a glance outside, taking a moment to look around. When he finally spotted the lieutenant in question, chatting with Private Wilkinson, he nodded to himself before taking a seat back at his desk._

_"You're talking about Lieutenant Morgan, aren't you? Fjord Morgan," Ben guessed, and Caleb nodded._

_"Tha's right. Tell me about him."_

Caleb rubbed his fingers against his face, before rolling onto his side. His ancestors would've been rolling in their graves if they'd known his affections towards men. Hell, he didn't understand his own feelings. He was Caleb Brewster, the chaotic man with a can-do attitude. He shouldn't have been doubting his feelings. It didn't feel _wrong_ , but it didn't feel _right_ , either.

Ben had been the first man he ever liked. He remembered being a small schoolboy in Setauket, hiding in the trees of his uncle's orchard's, his hands wrapped around Ben's upper arms, and telling him _I like you like mama likes papa,_ and Ben wrestled himself away, had frozen for a moment before running off. Caleb had started crying, and he sat there until his uncle came to retrieve him. Ben talked to him about it the next day, held Caleb's chubby hands in his own and told him he _couldn't_ like him that way because they were both boys and God said boys liking boys was bad and sinful.

They were small in those days. Ben had changed so much in those next years, and his strict thoughts on homosexuality had become extremely tolerant. The number of times Ben had apologized to him for the things he said surprised Caleb, but only a little bit, because Ben _always_ apologized for what he said was wrong.

_"Well, let's see. Lieutenant Morgan. His family's from England, Liverpool, to be exact, but he grew up in Philadelphia. He has two brothers, one younger, and one older. Had he not enlisted in the army, he claims that his father would've married him off to someone he barely knew and perhaps made into a merchant, like his father."_

_Ben paused, clearing his throat to gather his thoughts._

_"He talks about his brothers fondly, especially his older one. He often speaks about how supportive he was in his decision to join our cause, while his father was not."_

_"Benny boy, don't give me his entire life story."_

_Benjamin snorted._

He shouldn't have been as infatuated with this man as he was. Caleb always found himself head-over-heels for a man, but it was almost always fleeting for a day or so. But Morgan had been in his head for more than just days. He was like a dying flame inside Caleb's mind. The moment he thought his crush would extinguish, the fire came back twice as strong. It killed Caleb to know that there was another man that caught his attention just as strongly as Ben first had.

And it wasn't even his looks. Caleb had seen how Morgan acted around his fellow soldiers. He was fairly stiff and disliked speaking much, but to people he enjoyed speaking to, he was open and warm and friendly. And even when Caleb poked his fun at him, Morgan rolled his eyes with a small smile before going back to cleaning his weapon. His short little quips in response to Caleb's banter were entertaining, despite his stoic demeanor. 

Caleb rolled onto his back, pinching the bridge of his nose. It was so _stupid_. They were in the middle of a war, and instead of worrying about the Culper Ring, he was worried about a lieutenant who probably wouldn't even give him the time of day. 

"Dammit," he mumbled to himself, before getting up and heading out of his tent to go find a nearby bucket of water. He needed to wash his face. He wasn't sure when he started worrying about that, considering the days had started blending together at this point. He knelt down next to the bucket and started splashing water on his face, scrubbing his fingers against his skin. 

_"He's very devoted to our cause, Caleb. Although he doesn't stand out from the rest of the army." Ben raised a brow._

_"I'm curious. What do you see in him?"_

_Ben's question caught him off-guard._

_"I... I dunno. He's a good lookin' man, Benny boy. He's got a nice smile, y'know? Never seen a man with that nice a smile." Caleb snickered when Ben's face contorted as if he were offended._

_"Don't take it the wrong way, you've got a nice smile, too. But you've gotta see it, Ben. He's all rough 'n tough, but I crack one of my jokes at him and that smile's blinding."_

_Ben rolled his eyes with a small smile._

_"You should go and talk to him, Caleb. See if you really enjoy his presence more than just a couple of interactions."_

_Caleb shrugged before he exited the tent, glancing towards the fire Morgan was sitting at. He smiled at him before hopping up on his horse and taking off._

"Come on, Brewster. He's one man. You'll get over him soon enough," he told himself as he walked back to his tent.

He could only hope.


End file.
